Objective:
I have been thinking about this for sometime, and tonight’s the night. I am writing a cover letter and fixing my resume to send over for a job, and the process couldn’t be more annoying. First off, why do we write cover letters…seriously, no really seriously? Cover letters are the single biggest waste of human time. I feel more accomplishment in watching shitty reality television. Sell us, and if we get time we might read the first sentence. How about your resume rocks, or you just check the “I know someone box” and we’ll give you the job cause your dad used to golf with my uncle 10 years ago in Idaho. That seems how it usually goes anyway. Save us the time.

Experience:
What ever happened to sending a resume only? Now it’s send a cover letter, fill out our special 3 page online application with all of the same info (the read in function never works right), and fill out our extra questionnaire, and while your at it, give me 50 push ups you little bitch. On top of that Career Builder is trying to get you to sign up for more things than the average porn site. They have all of these messages regarding usage of information and privacy policies. Translation – “Hey, we’re going to send you a ton of spam for the rest of you life, do you agree? Ah, cause if you don’t you can take the job and shove it up your urethra.” We all click yes, and we all write down our working phone numbers, emails, and addresses. I bet Career Builder is doing their very best to keep that little secret, at least until they receive their highest bidder. All so we can work for some company that we will bitch about for the next 3 years.

Formatting:
Some want rtf’s, some want word .doc, some can’t accept .docx, some will accept PDF’s, some won’t. Are you kidding me? Why don’t you just scan your nut sack in, and email it to me for a virtual teabagging. PDF or Jpeg sucker, they are painless!!! Bullet points, indents, it’s all there!!! If you can’t figure out a pdf or jpeg, you have no business on a computer. Sending resumes as word files is a waste of time. Because some lady named Wendy in HR has one version of Word that she knows as gospel. And Wendy has the final word on your resume.

Additional Questions:
The part that pisses me off the most is the fact that I do the f’n cover letter, resume and get the format all right. But now they have an additional 10-12 question sheet they want me to fill out. It’s like a bonus round in game no one wants to play. Really, after all I hear about how long most resumes get looked and you want a cover letter and 12 more questions for extra fun. Maybe this is why unemployment is up

Work Experience:
My favorite is some of the Apple corporate website job descriptions. They have jobs for security that are basically titled “Security Superhero Engineer.”

Have a BS in Computer Science, 31 years of experience in beating down the bad guys, have the ability to catch bullets in your teeth while texting, fluent in Spanish and Chinese? Well then we might be looking for you to be a part-time security guard at Apple HQ.

Additional Desired:
Awesome 40 time
Finished in the top 1% of your college class

Education:
Looking for a job should be simpler process if you truly want the best candidate. The steps should be
-Look for job
-Like job
-Do resume (spend 20-30 minutes)
-Email resume to company as a PDF
-Employer responds or doesn’t

The truth is if some companies took their time and did a bit more thinking regarding the hiring process, they might not have so much turn over. When I say thinking, I mean possibly simplifying the process. I feel like we’re stuck in a really stinky time, and in 20 years we will say, “why couldn’t it have been like this back in the day.”
But that’s a whole different topic.

Tags: boring, cover, cover letters suck, formatting, job search, letter, looking for a job, problems, waste